I want to start this with saying I forgive you. I forgive you for being so naive to believe every thing to ever come out of that bastards mouth and in turn dragging my name through the mud. You couldn’t possibly understand the pain you’re causing me and my family because in your fucked up little head, you actually believe yourself to be in the right. However, just because I forgive you does not mean that I am not plotting the day that I will get to throw all of this back into your smug little face.
Let’s start from the beginning. July 2nd, 2012.
I peed on a stick and learned my life would change forever. I told the father his life would soon be changing, too. Although our relationship was one already fast approaching an end, I tried to keep it together for the new little light inside of me. As time went on I became painfully aware that staying with him would be the worst possible thing I could do. He would not work, did not have a car, did not have a license, and was already claiming he needed a paternity test on this child. He had no interest then, just as he has no interest now. I was working graveyard at the 7-Eleven by his home where he and his friends would come in and call me names like “stupid cunt,” “bitch,” and then proceed to throw trash in the floor or outside of the store where they had just seen me cleaning. All of this while I was carrying his child. He came to one ultrasound…at the last five minutes where when offered pictures from my mother, he turned them down. I would not hear from him again until our child was born.
March 9th, 2013.
Leeam is two days old and I receive a text, “I want to sign over my rights, go ahead and have your boyfriend adopt him. I am not ready to be a father.” I would go on to BEG him to just meet him first. “Meet him and you will know if that is something you truly want to do.” “He is so perfect, you will want to be his father once you look into his eyes,” I pleaded with him. His response to me? “What’s the point of this if we aren’t together?” I refused to be with someone I did not want to be with as a bribe to make him be a father.
Our son is now six months old and Lee breaks up with Nikki. Nikki was a girl with several children and one on the way who left Lee when her baby was born. He was playing daddy to her children while I raised our son alone. When she left him I got my first ever “How is Leeam” text message. I proceeded to make plans with Lee to take our son to the zoo. I drove from Norman to Midwest City to pick Lee up and then to the zoo. There was chemistry between us that day, I think because I wanted so desperately for this step to be what gave my son his father and because Lee finds chemistry with any girl who will give him attention. Soon after I would move in with my father to save money and Lee would move in with us. When he moved in I convinced him to go back to his old job working nights at the nursing home. I would work all day, take Lee to work at 10 or 11, go home to the baby, wake up early and pick Lee up, and then go to work. This was our routine for around three months. If I worked evenings I would let Lee sleep while I spent time with Leeam, and if I worked mornings I would expect Lee to spend time with him until I got home so he could sleep before his shift. One morning I was working to have my dad call me frantic and pissed, “I just got home on my lunch and I found Leeam in the closet with a soiled diaper crying while Lee was sleeping.” At that moment I wanted him out. This was after three months of living with his son. Three months where I never once saw him get in the floor and play with my baby, three months where if given the opportunity to spend money he would spend it on himself even if our child needed diapers or food, three months of realizing he really did not have an interest in this child. Even though he had moved out, I still let him come over at Christmas to celebrate Leeam’s first Christmas with us. I would not hear from him again until February.
Leeam becomes ill and has to stay in the hospital for five days where he nearly died because of one doctors mistake. Lee sent me a message saying “How is Leeam” on the day I took him home.
March 7th, 2014. Leeam’s first birthday. I go to do a paternity test because Lee was denying him to the courts. I get a text, “tell Leeam happy birthday.”
I start taking Leeam to Lee and his mother’s apartment. I do the driving both ways. I got ONE $10 money order for all of the gas I spent going back and forth in those couple of months I was taking Leeam to his home. As the weeks go by I notice my son coming home smelling of cigarette smoke. I ask Lee SEVERAL times for him and his mother to not smoke in the house. By the end of May Lee is bitching that he always has Leeam on his days off and has no life. They continue to smoke and I just stop taking him over there all together.
Late summer of 2014 I receive a text after months of no contact saying “I want Leeam for Christmas.” I proceed to say, “You have made no attempts to have a relationship with this child, I am not going to just let a complete stranger take him on Christmas. If you start making an effort in his life maybe we could work something out to split the day.” After arguing for a bit we decide to meet up so he cant start spending time with Leeam. We choose the park in the mall…Lee never showed and I wouldn’t hear from him again until March of 2015. Leeam’s birthday, “Tell Leeam I said happy birthday.” This one I remember the most. I got that text while I was sitting on my bed holding my now two year old son. Crying I whispered in his ear, “Your daddy says happy birthday.”
Sometime during 2015 while he was having child support garnished, I asked him if he would start watching Leeam when our schedules were different or on his off days when I worked so that he could get time with him and also save me the $100 a week I was paying for child care. Let me put in exact quotes what his response was to me, “So according to you even tho I work 16 hr days and my 2 days arent together I should still find time to come pick him up? And last time I checked you get a lot of my check I think that counts as HELPING OUT.” That would soon be followed by a Facebook post claiming child support services was fucking him over so that I could get paid like I was working two jobs while only working one. This post would soon gain a loving comment from his mother calling me a money grubbing whore. She really is such a delightful woman, isn’t she? Of course at this point he was on girlfriend number four I think? Caitlyn. One of his longest relationships, she had a daughter he was playing daddy to so that it why he wanted nothing to do with Leeam then. I would not hear from Lee again until I call him in August of 2016.
I would start dating Nick in late August of 2015. Leeam met Nick in November of 2015 after we decided to make things official. In February of 2016 I would get a letter that Lee was requesting to lower child support and payments also stopped this month. Frequent garnishments were from August 2014-February 2016 so when he says he paid for two or more years, that is a lie and I can show you the truth. In June of 2016 (three months after Leeam’s third birthday of which I did not receive the annual birthday text) Leeam asked Nicholas if he was his daddy. When Nick told him that it was up to him, Leeam CHOSE Nick to be his daddy. From the moment Nick met Leeam he was head over heels in love with that boy. He would go to the ends of the earth for him before he even really knew him. Nick would pay for child care and would offer to help with finances. He would show up at our house with pull-ups and dinner without even being asked for help. All it took was one look at Leeam for Nick to fall in love with him and the love he had/has for him is always on his face.
In August on 2016 we had our child support hearing where Lee was denied the lowering of our payments. I called him that night once again begging him to please start being active in Leeam’s life because to me, even though Leeam had Nicholas, I still wanted him to know where he came from. Lee was hesitant at first saying things like ” Well there is no way I could be any where close to the father he already has.” After a long conversation I convinced him to start trying and I asked him to speak to Leeam on the phone. (Leeam has always known about Lee and has pictures from the few months he lived with us.) Lee said all of two words the entire time. A few weeks went by and I hadn’t heard anything so I sent Lee a picture of Leeam on his first day of school trying to spark conversation so that maybe he might want to start making the plan to meet Leeam. He showed no interest.
September 2016 you guys had started dating and were in your big car accident. I reached out to Lee to see that he was okay, when he told me of your condition I spent the weeks after praying for you and I didn’t even know you. I would wait until October of 2016 to try again to get Lee to see Leeam. We set a day and a time and Lee would not contact me until after the time we were supposed to meet so we planned on another day in November. The time that fell through in November was my fault, I forgot that we had made plans to go to his friends birthday party and it ran late so I apologized and asked to reschedule because Leeam was tired and wanted to go home. I never got a response and would not hear from him again until December when I told him he couldn’t just disappear because plans fell through. This would be when his response was “Well my main priority is my pregnant girlfriend.” Which as you know was you. Barely pregnant and already more important to him than Leeam ever was, and he said that himself.
December 2016 he called me saying that you broke up with him and wanting advice on you. He didn’t call me to ask about Leeam, he didn’t call to see or speak to Leeam, he called me because he wanted to know if pregnancy hormones made you dump him. On New Years I messaged him saying that I hoped 2017 could be a fresh start and that he would start being there for Leeam. His response, “I’ll be there.” We eventually made plans to meet in January but of course he needed a ride and I was broke and short on money for his school so I asked Lee if he could help out with any money since it was coming up on a year since I had received any support and I really needed the help. He told me he would help with what he could when he got paid on January 20th. So I told him we would schedule to meet on January 20th when he could help. I was not about to spend money on a ride for him when that money could go on my son’s school. He called yelling at me which you know because at this point you had become someone I spoke to almost daily. In fact you had a lot more things to say about Lee then I ever did. Kind of funny how that worked out. I would get two more texts from Lee in January. One claiming I was trying to fuck up his life and one saying “how is Leeam” because YOU told him to.
I would not hear from Lee again until I reached out to him in September of 2017 when I called him explaining to him that I wanted to have Nick adopt Leeam where he very willingly accepted this. I told him that I would have the child support stopped (even though he wasn’t even paying it) before then if he would just cooperate since we both knew he wanted nothing to do with Leeam. Well Oklahoma would not let me stop the child support so long as Leeam was on the states health insurance, which he needed because I don’t work and Nick was not my husband yet so he couldn’t put Leeam on his. Lee was completely ready and was even calling me the very next day to see if I had called to schedule canceling the support yet. Well the October came and we had a child support hearing to lower the support amount since you had Hallie. That very same day I would get the “When can I see my son” text. When asked why the sudden change of heart he would say “because I deserve to see my son if I pay child support or not.” As if I had ever even denied him because of child support, in fact I have never even denied him of seeing Leeam. I may have pushed the day to a later one, but I have NEVER refused him.
So here we are now. I have filed for the adoption and you have convinced Lee to fight me, even though he and I both know he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. I am in no way worried about court because I know the truth. You may believe his lies, but you will never be able to know what really happened to bring me to this point. I can handle the fight and I can handle the trial. Even through these times I have been kind to you and tried to have some sort of relationship with you so that once this is said and done my son can know his little sister…but you have decided to start saying these things about me. I don’t deserve to be a mother, I have told nothing but lies but the truth will come out so that my son will no the mess I created for myself, I use my child as a pawn in my own fucked up life, and I abuse my child by keeping him from his father. You have been a mother all of 7 months and you think you have any sort of right to speak on what I am going through??! You don’t even know the half of the shit storm my son and I have gone through and you think you know all… HOW DARE YOU! You, the girl who smoked and drank at the river knowing you were pregnant. YOU the girl who ignored doctors orders to have your child sleep in your room until she was at least six months old to lower the chance of SIDS because “there wasn’t enough room.” You, the girl who is out every other night at a bar or the river while your child is with someone else…you have the audacity to say I don’t deserve to be a mother? I pray you and your daughter never have to go through what Leeam and I have gone through. It has been hell getting to this stable and happy time in our life only to have you waltz in and try your best to ruin every thing and drag my name. I am a fantastic mother. I have raised a beautiful, smart, and amazing young man ON MY OWN. I thank God every single day that this sweet boy of mine is nothing like Lee and every bit like me and the father he chose to have. Nick and I will continue to raise this sweet boy while you and Lee play victim and run your moths, but I won’t forget any of this. We will see our victory in court, Leeam will legally have the father he deserved from the beginning, and I will laugh in your face on that day. You’re a child, Dusti. A scared little girl who was intimidated by our situation and wanted to have a voice where you voice didn’t matter. You are absolutely irrelevant when it comes to my child, and though your words about me irritate me, even those have no hold over me. Those who make you angry control you, and I refuse to give you any control. So I will just sit here on the sidelines watching and laughing as you continue to make a fool out of yourself. I will continue to love my son and do what is best for him while you and Lee party and act like victims. Please keep dragging my name, I cannot wait to see the day that all blows up in your face.